The Hatmakers’ Millstones

You probably heard about the latest drama? Jen Hatmaker gave an interview to Religion News Service where she covered Trump, BLM, and sexuality.

The Hatmakers are liberals, so not much of this article should surprise anyone. But I’ve pulled out the piece interesting to me, around sexuality.


Q. Politically speaking, do you support gay marriage?

A. From a civil rights and civil liberties side and from just a human being side, any two adults have the right to choose who they want to love. And they should be afforded the same legal protections as any of us. I would never wish anything less for my gay friends.

From a spiritual perspective, since gay marriage is legal in all 50 states, our communities have plenty of gay couples who, just like the rest of us, need marriage support and parenting help and Christian community. They are either going to find those resources in the church or they are not.

Not only are these our neighbors and friends, but they are brothers and sisters in Christ. They are adopted into the same family as the rest of us, and the church hasn’t treated the LGBT community like family. We have to do better.


I don’t know that any Christians disagree that gay marriage is now legal. Yes, it is. It has no bearing on the morality of it. From a civil rights/liberties side, I would say that consenting adults can have whatever variety of sexual relations they desire. That doesn’t mean your personal proclivities equal marriage though, does it? I think most rational people, if you ask if Person A should have the right to have Person B visit them in the hospital or make decisions for their end-of-life care in an emergency, the sexual orientation of said person won’t make most people say no. If marriage was about legal benefits, then Hatmaker would be fine. But she’s a Christian, so she’s supposed to know it’s not. She then says “from a spiritual perspective” and completely ignores the spiritual realities of marriage…what?? How the church has/does/and should treat those who identify as gay is OF COURSE a question…of course we have not gotten it right…but that ALSO doesn’t mean “therefore, you can change marriage.”


Q. If an LGBT friend of yours got married, would you attend that wedding?

A. I would attend that wedding with gladness, and I would drink champagne. I want the very best for my gay friends. I want love and happiness and faithfulness and commitment and community. Yes. That’s an easy answer.


Given her other clear misunderstandings about marriage, I will let this go. If I held her beliefs, I wouldn’t have a problem going to a “wedding” of two people of the same gender either.


Q. And how would you respond if one of your children were gay?

A. I think we would parent that child exactly the same as the rest of them. Which is to say, we would always be on their side and in their corner and for them and with them. We want for all of our kids the same thing: faithful, committed marriage and a beautiful family that is committed to God and the church. I would have the same standard across the board, no matter what.


Faithful committed monogamy? Or is it ok if your kid is faithfully married to two or three other partners? Oops, that isn’t popular yet. She’ll evolve on that later.


Q. You mention faithfulness and God. Do you think an LGBT relationship can be holy?

A. I do. And my views here are tender. This is a very nuanced conversation, and it’s hard to nail down in one sitting. I’ve seen too much pain and rejection at the intersection of the gay community and the church. Every believer that witnesses that much overwhelming sorrow should be tender enough to do some hard work here.


Here is the definition of “holy”: dedicated or consecrated to God or a religious purpose; sacred. Thinking about this concept drove me to look at what commentaries about scripture say about holiness. Here’s a great article from Christianity Today: What does it mean when God asks us to be holy as He is holy?

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it,” says Jesus, “but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:35-36). To be holy means that all we are and all we have belongs to God, not ourselves, and that every aspect of our lives is to be shaped and directed toward God.

It’s unfortunate that to the Hatmakers and those who call themselves “Affirming”, think that someone who is attracted to the same-gender doesn’t qualify for following Jesus as HE describes it. So everyone else coming to follow Jesus is required to lose their lives. People around the world are brutally tortured and murdered following Christ. People starve, live in cages, are mocked and beaten for the name of Christ. Muslims give up more than religion if they convert. They often lose their jobs, finances, safety, homes, their entire families, and legally is Islamic countries can be executed. But to some people, in the American church, in 2016, if you’re attracted to the same gender, THEN Jesus words don’t apply to you. 

It’s offensive. A person who identifies as gay can get married. A man can marry a woman. A woman can marry a man. You can call other things than that marriage, but it doesn’t change anything. Anything outside of what God has designed as marriage, simply won’t be marriage. And it won’t be holy, because it’s ignoring what God said was holy. Sexually complimentary. Male and Female. Two aspects of God’s creation made in his image. We don’t get to just move things around to get more hits on facebook, be seen as relevant in the eyes of our culture. And in doing so, you are tying millstones around the necks of people who desperately need LOVE AND TRUTH. 

Here’s Jen’s husband’s sad explanation for switch from the Bible to a cultural acceptance of sexuality.

Rosaria Butterfield’s amazing response: Love your neighbor enough to tell them the truth.