When I was younger, my thoughts and struggles made me feel very alone. I was convinced that I was the only person like me. From the earliest I could remember, I thought, matter-of-factly, that I was a girl on accident. It felt so strange: something in me believed that I was supposed to have been a boy but God had pushed the wrong button before the stork dropped me off. I carried this interesting belief well into my pre-teens, never mentioning it to anyone. I hated wearing dresses, I hated the color pink, and I always played the boy when my siblings or neighborhood friends would play together. I had an atrocious bowl cut and wore my brother’s hand-me-downs. I tried to go shirtless until my parents told me it was immodest. [I didn’t understand why.] As I got older a bunch of things happened at once. Puberty came with the usual physical changes and my theological puberty helped my understanding of God to also mature. I realized that the Supreme Creator of the Universe can’t put an elbow on the wrong switch and mess up when creating a person, so I was obviously a girl—now a woman, intentionally. Ok, so I’m a woman, but then why do I feel this discomfort around my body and gender, and why am I so confused when it comes to attraction?
These things have been the greater journey for me. I’m excited to share what I’ve come to know and believe over the last many years walking with Jesus. Here is what I am convinced of, in the meantime.
The God of the Bible is real. He came to earth in the form of His Son Jesus Christ, who lived, taught, healed, loved, was brutally murdered, and rose again from the dead. I believe these things because I believe the Bible is true. I have seen the power of God’s Word, living and active, cut through the world’s crap and my own hurt and brokenness to restore people to life. I believe that the point of morality is to guide us into doing that which is most healthy for us. Not morality for morality’s sake, but a completely everlasting and accurate picture that demonstrates that living within God’s guidelines and design makes a person healthier, happier, and more effective in sharing the Good News.
I do not accept the alterations to scripture that have occurred in the last 10 or less years that supposedly show that our Christian ethics for 2000 years were off. I believe that the healthiest expression of sexuality is between one man, one woman, in a marriage covenant for life. There are many people like me, and for too long it feels like no one has talked about or to us. There are Christians who now endorse whatever sexuality one feels for the moment, there are Christians who don’t know and don’t care and there are Christians who think sexual attraction/confusion are the worst sins possible. You’re all wrong. Hopefully, God uses me to shine the light he’s shone to and in me, to others like me.